pt 4

 After our second child was born I had to have surgery, they had thought I had breast cancer all the test and bloodwork showed cancer. I was so young and my Dr. sent me for surgery within a few days after he had examined me and done his test, and we were scared but my mom had gotten a preacher come pray with me right before my surgery and once it was over they told us I didn't have cancer there was nothing there. 

That lead to our church journey.. We had joined a church and even became youth leaders at church, all the teens loved us and always wanted to be with me and my husband every time we were at church. We loved it, we loved helping the youth and being a part of a  church where everyone was close. 

Eventually my husband started back with his abuse, calling me names, being mean and hateful all the time, we moved in with my parents and when they weren't around he would be so mean to me..

We got a call from the youth pastor and said one of the guys(Joe) had been arrested from our youth group and he needed help, so Brian goes to bail him out of Jail & let's him stay with us.. Brian took him to find a job and it was working out good we were leading him in the right direction, or so we thought..Me & Joe had gotten really close, he was the only friend  i had to talk to, His bedroom was right off the living room and it didn't have a door so I could go in there and talk to him without anyone accusing us of anything.. He would help me cook, we spent a lot of time together and we could talk about anything he was my best friend. I never thought I could get close to a guy like that, eventually my husband got jealous and didn't want me to hang out with him anymore. Joe ended up getting wild again hanging out with the wrong crowd and we had to eventually kick him out

Joe kept in touch with me though, once he got to where he could he would call me and I remember one day He called me and he was drunk.. He was talking to me about how he didn't like the way Brian treated me and I deserved better and that one day he was going to take me away from Brian I laughed at the idea because he was only 17 and I was 26 .. I had been married since I was 19 & I never thought about cheating or being unfaithful to my husband. I wouldn't even look at another man even though my husband had wondering eyes my faith and heart wouldn't let me. I lost touch with Joe for 2 years. I was pregnant with my 3rd child When I heard from Joe again I honestly can't even remember how we got back in touch that part is fuzzy but I do remember he was married and had a baby. It would seem like everytime he came to visit i was cleaning or doing something so Brian wouldn't have a reason to fuss when he got home from work. I was happy to see Joe settling down and making a good life for himself then one day he lost touch again & I didn't hear from him anymore and his wife had gotten in touch with me online and told me he was in prison and asked if I wanted to write him..

At the time I thought it was weird, of course we were friends and close but I wasn't comfortable writing to someone in prison. I was always scared someone else would get my address and I just didn't want that to happen. So I told her I would think about it and she told me he would talk about me all the time, and he would ask her why couldn't she be like me? I felt bad for her because I had already been done dirty by my own husband and here was another woman telling me how her husband wants her to be like me  and always telling her how lucky Brian is to have me.. So I never wrote Joe and never thought I would hear from him again